My Past was Superficial?
While biologically I am 22 years old, I am a newborn one-year-old in my own life calendar (where I live on my will). That is to say I had been living in accordance with the guidance of the ‘society’ in the past 21 years. Though, that does not mean I was unhappy in the past 21 years. In fact, the guidance by the ‘society’ was the source of my happiness. Under the guidance of the ‘society’, there were guidelines for every aspect of my life. In the well-paved path, I just had to perform up to the standard set by the society (eg. achieving good grades, being active at sports, entering prestigious university) and I would be rewarded with approval and even admiration in return. The happiness was definitely not superficial - the happiness was heartfelt. If you think that sounds dictatorial (that I had been living like a puppet), I just want to say that it was necessary for my personal development and the progress of the society.
No!
Let us say we want to pick up badminton, we would join an academy, where coaches will guide us on the mastery of basic skills, such as serving, smashing, dropping and looping as well as stamina development. An acknowledgement by the coaches or glances of admiration from our peers when we manage to complete a set of arduous training or stamina challenge would easily make our day. Is that happiness superficial? Certainly not! Instead, such regulated training environments and reward system are a necessary to the layout of a foundation for future development. Similarly, the discipline (self-control) cultivated in the process of attaining academic and athletic excellence is the foundation of a self-actualizing life in the future. The reward system (that may seem superficial) merely capitalizes on our hardwired desire for validation (that is why complimenting is seen as a virtue - it brings happiness to others) to groom us for a self-actualizing life in the future.
Just a Nature Cycle
However, a larva cannot stay in the chrysalis (when the incubation of a butterfly takes place) forever. There will come a time for the larva to transform and emerge as a butterfly. Interestingly, under a regulated hatching process, larvae are mostly identical (just like we can barely differentiate one newborn infant from another). The moment the larva breaks out of the chrysalis is the equivalent of the beginning of a human’s self-actualizing process. Generally, our self-actualizing process 'officially' begins after high school years - the time we get to decide how we want to live our life (what time to wake up, which class to attend, what to wear - with no more uniforms etc.)
Self-Help Resources: My Beacon in the Past
The elation bred of this bonanza of freedom that we have long craved for quickly wears off. Personally, I had that experience at the beginning of my life at HKUST. I felt very lost and even jaded during the time. However, it did not take long before I regained my bearing and momentum in life with the guidance of self-help resources. In hindsight, I was actually setting myself on a high-speed path towards an inevitable crash. I had been an embodiment ‘good-boy’/’role-model’ in the past 21 years, as substantiated by the ‘Role Model of the Year’ and ‘Outstanding Student’ awards conferred by my primary school and high school.
My Obsession with Success
Success had naturally become part of my identity. I had been living an 'approved' (showered with titles, compliments and admiration) life that many envied. So, I thought I had gotten the ‘formula’ to ‘success in life’ and that all I had to do is merely sticking to the ‘formula’. However, it turned out the world does not run on fixed patterns or laws. If it was otherwise, the world would have been predictable and stock markets would never crash. In other words, there is no such thing as the ‘rules of success in life’ that guarantee a result. However, the ‘rules of success in life’ were exactly what I had bought into ardently. I was once a self-help fanatic - I literally absorbed as much self-help resources as I could. And, I abode by the rules stringently. For example, I remained positive almost all the time, restrained myself from activities that are ‘wasting time’ - watching TV/ Youtube, hanging out with friends, engage in 'unproductive' (in terms of intellectual growth) conversations, I even had a bit of meditating regularly and doing exercise at 5:40 am (when I was having an internship). I had a mindset that these are the ‘right’ things to do, they cannot be wrong. I had also been told that as long as I persevere, success is my destiny (which I thought pretty made sense). So, from day to day, I kept motivating myself with mantras and instilling myself with faith that success is on the way. I also reminded myself to never never ever give up, since I had come thus far and that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Nevertheless, just like a rubber band, it will eventually break when being overstretched for an extended period of time.
Why was My Pursuit of Success Shattered?
Despite my steadfast efforts, I feel that success was nowhere within my reach - it felt like a perpetual chasing journey - it was suffocating. In retrospect, I found that the problem was that success is indeed a destination, but a constantly renewed one. It is just like a marathon finishing line that is constantly extended further whenever the runner almost reaches it. Let us continue with the badminton analogy. When Lee Chong Wei was little, crowning as a national champion would have been the whole world to him. Then, as he achieved his first national title, the next thing that could fulfil his sense of success may be SEA Games champion, followed by Asian Games, All-England, World Championships, Olympics and then defending champion. The pursuit of success is never-ending. Even until now, Lee Chong Wei may think he is not a success and be regretful should he retires now, for he still finds an Olympics title elusive.
My Takeaway
Although Lee Chong Wei’s story may seem a bit pathetic and dismal (for he may never have his sense of success fulfilled despite relentless efforts), it was precisely this mechanism that incites one’s will for progress, and hence, the progress of the society. This realization leads me to mull over the definition of success. Success is a mission accomplished. So, the biggest success in life I can achieve is fulfilling the purpose of life - the rest are ornaments. Given that what makes every life so precious is that there is a huge potential (that has come a long way to even exist) waiting to be unleashed, the purpose of life would be to realize my potential (self-actualization). Colloquially, realizing my potential means maximizing the value of the resources I have been bestowed with. For example, I have blessed with a unique life journey that has led to empowering realizations, so I am sharing them with you (so, they empower not only me but also you). By doing so, I feel blissful and fulfilled. Writing to this length does not tire me, instead, it energizes me spiritually because I feel purposeful.
My Future
As for my future, it will take care of itself (to predict the future is to make assumptions which often leads to unnecessary hype that lead to disappointment or worries). Instead, I focus on equipping myself with realizations and enjoying the journey of exploration. By the way, as a person who treasures connection, I am happy to say that currently, I have buddies whom I can connect with and who knows, one of them will be my romantic partner~ ^_^
While biologically I am 22 years old, I am a newborn one-year-old in my own life calendar (where I live on my will). That is to say I had been living in accordance with the guidance of the ‘society’ in the past 21 years. Though, that does not mean I was unhappy in the past 21 years. In fact, the guidance by the ‘society’ was the source of my happiness. Under the guidance of the ‘society’, there were guidelines for every aspect of my life. In the well-paved path, I just had to perform up to the standard set by the society (eg. achieving good grades, being active at sports, entering prestigious university) and I would be rewarded with approval and even admiration in return. The happiness was definitely not superficial - the happiness was heartfelt. If you think that sounds dictatorial (that I had been living like a puppet), I just want to say that it was necessary for my personal development and the progress of the society.
No!
Let us say we want to pick up badminton, we would join an academy, where coaches will guide us on the mastery of basic skills, such as serving, smashing, dropping and looping as well as stamina development. An acknowledgement by the coaches or glances of admiration from our peers when we manage to complete a set of arduous training or stamina challenge would easily make our day. Is that happiness superficial? Certainly not! Instead, such regulated training environments and reward system are a necessary to the layout of a foundation for future development. Similarly, the discipline (self-control) cultivated in the process of attaining academic and athletic excellence is the foundation of a self-actualizing life in the future. The reward system (that may seem superficial) merely capitalizes on our hardwired desire for validation (that is why complimenting is seen as a virtue - it brings happiness to others) to groom us for a self-actualizing life in the future.
Just a Nature Cycle
However, a larva cannot stay in the chrysalis (when the incubation of a butterfly takes place) forever. There will come a time for the larva to transform and emerge as a butterfly. Interestingly, under a regulated hatching process, larvae are mostly identical (just like we can barely differentiate one newborn infant from another). The moment the larva breaks out of the chrysalis is the equivalent of the beginning of a human’s self-actualizing process. Generally, our self-actualizing process 'officially' begins after high school years - the time we get to decide how we want to live our life (what time to wake up, which class to attend, what to wear - with no more uniforms etc.)
Self-Help Resources: My Beacon in the Past
The elation bred of this bonanza of freedom that we have long craved for quickly wears off. Personally, I had that experience at the beginning of my life at HKUST. I felt very lost and even jaded during the time. However, it did not take long before I regained my bearing and momentum in life with the guidance of self-help resources. In hindsight, I was actually setting myself on a high-speed path towards an inevitable crash. I had been an embodiment ‘good-boy’/’role-model’ in the past 21 years, as substantiated by the ‘Role Model of the Year’ and ‘Outstanding Student’ awards conferred by my primary school and high school.
My Obsession with Success
Success had naturally become part of my identity. I had been living an 'approved' (showered with titles, compliments and admiration) life that many envied. So, I thought I had gotten the ‘formula’ to ‘success in life’ and that all I had to do is merely sticking to the ‘formula’. However, it turned out the world does not run on fixed patterns or laws. If it was otherwise, the world would have been predictable and stock markets would never crash. In other words, there is no such thing as the ‘rules of success in life’ that guarantee a result. However, the ‘rules of success in life’ were exactly what I had bought into ardently. I was once a self-help fanatic - I literally absorbed as much self-help resources as I could. And, I abode by the rules stringently. For example, I remained positive almost all the time, restrained myself from activities that are ‘wasting time’ - watching TV/ Youtube, hanging out with friends, engage in 'unproductive' (in terms of intellectual growth) conversations, I even had a bit of meditating regularly and doing exercise at 5:40 am (when I was having an internship). I had a mindset that these are the ‘right’ things to do, they cannot be wrong. I had also been told that as long as I persevere, success is my destiny (which I thought pretty made sense). So, from day to day, I kept motivating myself with mantras and instilling myself with faith that success is on the way. I also reminded myself to never never ever give up, since I had come thus far and that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Nevertheless, just like a rubber band, it will eventually break when being overstretched for an extended period of time.
Why was My Pursuit of Success Shattered?
Despite my steadfast efforts, I feel that success was nowhere within my reach - it felt like a perpetual chasing journey - it was suffocating. In retrospect, I found that the problem was that success is indeed a destination, but a constantly renewed one. It is just like a marathon finishing line that is constantly extended further whenever the runner almost reaches it. Let us continue with the badminton analogy. When Lee Chong Wei was little, crowning as a national champion would have been the whole world to him. Then, as he achieved his first national title, the next thing that could fulfil his sense of success may be SEA Games champion, followed by Asian Games, All-England, World Championships, Olympics and then defending champion. The pursuit of success is never-ending. Even until now, Lee Chong Wei may think he is not a success and be regretful should he retires now, for he still finds an Olympics title elusive.
My Takeaway
Although Lee Chong Wei’s story may seem a bit pathetic and dismal (for he may never have his sense of success fulfilled despite relentless efforts), it was precisely this mechanism that incites one’s will for progress, and hence, the progress of the society. This realization leads me to mull over the definition of success. Success is a mission accomplished. So, the biggest success in life I can achieve is fulfilling the purpose of life - the rest are ornaments. Given that what makes every life so precious is that there is a huge potential (that has come a long way to even exist) waiting to be unleashed, the purpose of life would be to realize my potential (self-actualization). Colloquially, realizing my potential means maximizing the value of the resources I have been bestowed with. For example, I have blessed with a unique life journey that has led to empowering realizations, so I am sharing them with you (so, they empower not only me but also you). By doing so, I feel blissful and fulfilled. Writing to this length does not tire me, instead, it energizes me spiritually because I feel purposeful.
My Future
As for my future, it will take care of itself (to predict the future is to make assumptions which often leads to unnecessary hype that lead to disappointment or worries). Instead, I focus on equipping myself with realizations and enjoying the journey of exploration. By the way, as a person who treasures connection, I am happy to say that currently, I have buddies whom I can connect with and who knows, one of them will be my romantic partner~ ^_^