In the first three months of 2019, I spent countless of hours squeezing my brain juice on my summer internship applications.
Tell us about yourself. That’s one of the most common questions asked in a written or interview round.
“I am a final year Sociology student at State University of New York (SUNY) at Plattsburgh. I am originally from Malaysia. I have gotten some exposures overseas - I was in New Zealand on a three-and-a-half-month work holiday trip, Hong Kong for tertiary education, China on a service trip, and Australia for a conference. I have done three internships and have held various leadership positions.”
That is a game plan I am very familiar with - to impress. That is how the game works - you ace it when you manage to impress (with your talents, achievements, merits etc.). This is the game of meritocracy. To land an internship, my resume and personal better be able to impress the recruiters.
The mantra of the game: you work hard and you get what you deserve. Perfectly harmless. However, it is a self-perpetuating system that thrives on feeding our ego. The players are on endless missions of impressing others, whether or not they are conscious about it. I have been a lifelong player. It is until recently do I conceptualize this game.
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Growing up, I had had a big appetite for success and excellence. I did my best in school and tried to be an all-rounder, which is something looked up upon. The shower of praises and attention that my achievements attracted stimulated me and made me feel happy. I was being the best version of myself.
Deep into the game, I turned everything in my life pursuit of impressing others. I turned myself into an embodiment of diligence, intelligence, independence and kindness. I am a good person - that makes me feel comfortable. Impress and be celebrated - that routine had been keeping me in a cozy bubble.
But there is something better than that - to experience a sense of life. The sense of life, the connection with life, the expression of life bring joy. Joy makes us feel strong and a sense of peace - even in the midst of chaos or unknowns. On the other hand, pleasure makes us feel good. Yet, it also feels like a bubble - it is empty inside. We may feel pleased but not feeling strong. I feel happy when someone praises me. More accurately, I feel stimulated that I impressed someone. It inflates my ego (or self) but does not make me feel strong.
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The phrase “work-life balance” suggests that work and life are two distinct spheres. Work is in the sphere of logic, empiricism, rationality, competitions and knowledge; life is in the sphere of the spirit, faith, joy, love, grace and eternity.
In the current economic models, work is necessary. The necessity of work means we are born into the game of meritocracy (which sometimes is corrupted with politics). Meritocracy characterizes our formal education, which prepares us for work. Work is not inherently evil. The problems come when we do not consciously defend the sense of life in us. The stream of life in us dries up when neglected. We experience emptiness when the stream of life stops flowing in us.
Work-life balance has been interpreted in many ways. To me, maintaining a work-life balance is to acknowledge that I have responsibilities to carry out while experiencing the joy of life. Meritocracy is for work. Winning over clients, bosses and colleagues - that is the universal game rule of work in a capitalist ecosystem. But the necessity of impressing others comes with a price of inflating the ego. Ego blocks the stream of life. Staying in touch with the stream of life is to be in touch with our instincts, conscience and spirit. When we are an expression of life instead of self, we break the shackles of ego and the need to impress.
Tell us about yourself. That’s one of the most common questions asked in a written or interview round.
“I am a final year Sociology student at State University of New York (SUNY) at Plattsburgh. I am originally from Malaysia. I have gotten some exposures overseas - I was in New Zealand on a three-and-a-half-month work holiday trip, Hong Kong for tertiary education, China on a service trip, and Australia for a conference. I have done three internships and have held various leadership positions.”
That is a game plan I am very familiar with - to impress. That is how the game works - you ace it when you manage to impress (with your talents, achievements, merits etc.). This is the game of meritocracy. To land an internship, my resume and personal better be able to impress the recruiters.
The mantra of the game: you work hard and you get what you deserve. Perfectly harmless. However, it is a self-perpetuating system that thrives on feeding our ego. The players are on endless missions of impressing others, whether or not they are conscious about it. I have been a lifelong player. It is until recently do I conceptualize this game.
--
Growing up, I had had a big appetite for success and excellence. I did my best in school and tried to be an all-rounder, which is something looked up upon. The shower of praises and attention that my achievements attracted stimulated me and made me feel happy. I was being the best version of myself.
Deep into the game, I turned everything in my life pursuit of impressing others. I turned myself into an embodiment of diligence, intelligence, independence and kindness. I am a good person - that makes me feel comfortable. Impress and be celebrated - that routine had been keeping me in a cozy bubble.
But there is something better than that - to experience a sense of life. The sense of life, the connection with life, the expression of life bring joy. Joy makes us feel strong and a sense of peace - even in the midst of chaos or unknowns. On the other hand, pleasure makes us feel good. Yet, it also feels like a bubble - it is empty inside. We may feel pleased but not feeling strong. I feel happy when someone praises me. More accurately, I feel stimulated that I impressed someone. It inflates my ego (or self) but does not make me feel strong.
--
The phrase “work-life balance” suggests that work and life are two distinct spheres. Work is in the sphere of logic, empiricism, rationality, competitions and knowledge; life is in the sphere of the spirit, faith, joy, love, grace and eternity.
In the current economic models, work is necessary. The necessity of work means we are born into the game of meritocracy (which sometimes is corrupted with politics). Meritocracy characterizes our formal education, which prepares us for work. Work is not inherently evil. The problems come when we do not consciously defend the sense of life in us. The stream of life in us dries up when neglected. We experience emptiness when the stream of life stops flowing in us.
Work-life balance has been interpreted in many ways. To me, maintaining a work-life balance is to acknowledge that I have responsibilities to carry out while experiencing the joy of life. Meritocracy is for work. Winning over clients, bosses and colleagues - that is the universal game rule of work in a capitalist ecosystem. But the necessity of impressing others comes with a price of inflating the ego. Ego blocks the stream of life. Staying in touch with the stream of life is to be in touch with our instincts, conscience and spirit. When we are an expression of life instead of self, we break the shackles of ego and the need to impress.